When the lights go down
by Mcdreamer91
Summary: It's one year after addison leaves SG. Derek and Meredith are finally calling it quits and he needs a new place to go with an old familiar face. Things with Addsion and Pete aren't doing well. Do old habbits die hard?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Derek Shepherd was at the end of his long pathetic worn out rope. How long could one person possibly try at a relationship that obviously wasn't going to work for him anymore? He wanted to be with Meredith. He really did at one point. But now things were all different. He thought things would work out for them.

He was convinced of it and was crushed when they didn't. When Meredith suddenly took another sharp turn when things with Lexie got to intense after Thatcher practically drunk himself to death. When the two of them had to be there for each other for his rehab sessions and shut down as soon as they walked out of the door.

And Meredith shut him down again. Over and over and over again.

He had fought for her enough.

Mark Sloan had told him this a million times in the past year and Derek hated how completely right the man was. Because let's face it, Mark, wasn't exactly an expert on love and somehow he was completely happy with Callie. They were doing great and seemed to balance each other well.

Derek missed that feeling. The feeling of being able to balance someone. To love someone and have it be easy to be in love with them. He hated the that feeling like he was giving and giving and was getting nothing in return. He needed to get out of Seattle and he needed to get out fast.

Sam had called him. He told Derek that they had a position open for him. That if he would consider it everyone would be anxious to have him on the team. Especially Addison.

It might be Derek's imagination but it was the way that Sam said that last part that made his heart pull in a way he thought it stopped pulling. Like Addison wanted him there? She had everything she could ever hope for. A place far away from him and from the past she left behind. They both left behind.

He was equally responsible. Derek had come to terms with the fact that he checked out of their relationship long before Addison ever thought of cheating on him. He knew that. But what did this mean now?

Had he thrown away eleven years with his wife for two years of off and on happiness with Meredith Grey? He shook his head pressing his finger tips to his throbbing temples. He pushed the doors of the Chiefs office open and sat down. The Chief looked up at him.

"What can I do for you Derek?"

He sighed. "I have to get out of Seattle."

Richard stopped what he was doing. "I think I've heard that from a red head before. What's going on Derek?"

Derek leaned in and clasped his hands together. "If I stay here another second with Meredith Grey I am going to loose my mind. I can't do it anymore. I can't stay in Seattle. I'm sorry. This is my notice."

Derek went to stand up and Richard looked at him. "Wait just a second. Sit back down in that chair Shepherd and let me get this straight."

Derek sat down and Richard leaned forward in his chair. "I loose my top Gynecologist because of Meredith Grey. I lost my top Cardio surgeon probably because of Yang. Now I'm loosing my Neuro too? I don't know about this. You people need to get your personal lives in check."

Derek sighed. "I got an offer from Sam Bennet. They need me there and I need a fresh start, Chief."

He smiled up at me. "A fresh start with your Ex-wife?"

I shrugged. "At least it will be a familiar semi-friendly face. You don't need me here like you used to and we both now that for a fact. You could replace me in a second."

Chief shook his head. "That's where you're wrong. But Derek, I've seen the way all this stuff has played it's toll on you for the past couple years and it hasn't been good I can say that much. And while I have you sitting down and shut up there's something else I need to tell you that I've wanted too for awhile now."

Derek nodded.

Richard sighed. "I love Meredith as my own daughter. Which gives me the liberty and right to tell you that you made a mistake when you let Addison walk out these doors, Derek. You two may have had your problems but she loved you. Meredith has too much to work out with herself before she can commit to anyone. You are a decent, honorable person. You deserve someone who is decent and honorable and mature. Meredith is only two of those. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Derek smiled a little. "Yes, sir."

Richard sighed. "Go. I'm giving you a week leave to see if this is what you really want. Go take your fresh start while you still have it."

Derek stood up and shook Richards hand. "Thank you. I appreciate you understanding."

Derek was halfway through the door when Richard called for him. Derek turned around to look at him. "Do me a favor this time, Shepherd."

Derek made eye contact with him.

Richard smiled. "Don't break her heart this time. I know people who can kick your ass."

Derek laughed and nodded. "I doubt that'll happen. But I'll keep that in mind. I'll see you next week, chief."

Derek stopped off the plane into the warm California air. He understood why Addison liked it out here so much instantly.

He knocked on the door of the address that Sam had given him and a few minutes later the door swung open.

"Who ever invited such an ugly person to come out here?" Sam said smiling.

Derek laughed. "It's nice to see you are as snide as ever. Some things never change, huh?"

Sam moved out of the way letting Derek inside his house. "And sometimes everything changes from what I've heard."

Derek sighed and smiled at his friend. "I heard you and Niomi..."

Sam nodded. "And you and Addi.."

Derek nodded. "Yeah. It's a long story."

Sam crossed his arms. "Want to give me the abbreviated version? I'd like to hear your side of the story."

Derek ran his fingers through his hair. "I wasn't there. I mean I was there but I wasn't. Do you know what I mean?"

Sam nodded. "All too well."

"So Addison found what I wasn't giving her somewhere else. I found out and moved to Seattle and found someone too. Except somewhere in the time we were together without Addison knowing I fell in love with her. So Addison came trying to fix things and I acted like I wanted to because she was my wife. But things never got better and we got divorced. Now I'm single after three years of wasting my time on someone who didn't love me like I loved her."

Sam took a step back. "Wow. I don't think Addison's heard that last part has she?"

Derek shook his head. "No. She hasn't. How do you tell your wife 'The woman I left you for doesn't love me anymore' I'm pretty sure she'll laugh in my face."

Sam smiled. "You may be surprised."

Derek laughed. "I highly doubt it. Unless Addison is a completely different person than I last remember."

Sam shrugged. "You'll have to decide that for yourself when you see her. How long are you planning on staying out here anyway?"

Derek shrugged. "My Chief of surgery is giving me a week at most to figure out if this is a position that I'd be interested in taking. After that It's all up to me. Well and you really."

Sam nodded. "I'd like to take you over there so you can meet everyone if that sounds good to you."

Derek nodded and they got in Sam's car and drove to Oceanside. Derek was amazed by the beautiful scenery that was on the way to the center. They got there in about twenty five minutes and Sam guided him up to their floor. Derek instantly noticed the blonde sitting behind the counter who only looked about eighteen.

"Dell. This is Doctor Derek Shepherd. He'll be here with us this week and maybe after that."

Dell smiled at him and shook his hand. "It's nice to meet you. What do you specialize in."

"Being a pain in the ass." Niomi said turning a corner and smiling at him.

Derek grinned at her. "Well if it isn't my favorite out of the two. How have you been?" He said opening his arms.

Niomi ran and gave him a hug before pulling back. "I've been well. You on the other hand look like you've been to hell and back. They work you hard out there in Seattle don't they?"

Derek laughed. "Something like that. The fresh air works for you."

Niomi rolled her eyes. "Don't try to butter me up. I've heard a lot about you in the past year, trust me."

Derek looked at her. "All bad?"

Niomi shook her head. "Not all. Just most."

Derek laughed. "How comforting. Where is Addison anyway?"

She smiled. "Out with Pete. They got a call this morning and should be back with the baby in about twenty minutes."

Derek's heart picked up? Pete? And what where they doing picking up babies together? And most importantly, why did he care?

Niomi seemed to read his expression before it passed and smiled at him. "It's a program we do before you have a heart attack. Let me show you around the office."

Derek followed her and even though he hadn't meet anyone else yet, he already felt like he was at home all over again.


	2. Chapter 2

Addison Montgomery is tired of being alone.

She rolled over on her side and looked at the rain pouring down and ricocheting off the windows.

"If I would have known it would rain more here than in Seattle I would have stayed there." She said to no one in particular.

She looked at the red letters that were blinking telling her the time.

6:30.

She blinked twice and rolled over on her side.

Addison moved to LA to get away from all the baggage she had with all the people in Seattle. And she couldn't go back to New York without Derek or Mark. Because that would just be humiliating to say the least. She knew how people talked because she used to be one of the people talking, not the person being talked about.

She didn't have a stable home in Seattle. She went there to try and save a marriage with a man who didn't want anything to do with her. But she tried so hard to get him to care even if she knew that it was impossible. Addison tried to understand what it was about Meredith that she didn't have. For a long time Addison told herself that it was the sex. It was purely a physical attraction that would wear off in time.

But that didn't stop the hurt. Because that meant her husband who was supposed to love her would throw it all away for good sex. Which Addison was more than willing to give to him. Maybe it was the fact that Meredith needed Derek to fix her problems. Or to try to fix them.

Addison had always been headstrong and Independent. She didn't need a man to fix her problems because she could fix them herself. But she knew that wasn't it either because Derek had always told her how much he loved her independence. He liked the fact she didn't him for every little thing. She wanted to believe that there was nothing about her that she could have changed to make Derek love her instead of Meredith. That it was all him and she was perfect. Derek was the flawed one.

Except she was the one who made the first mistake. Mark Sloan.

Addison never loved him. She told herself she did because Derek was gone. Derek didn't notice her. Mark noticed her. Mark saw her. Mark wanted her.

Addison wanted to be wanted, desperately.

So when it began it was a mistake. An accident. It wasn't going to happen again.

But it did happen again. And again, and again, and again. For a long time before Derek found out.

Mark loved her. Mark filled the huge gaping hole that Derek wasn't filling.

Except he didn't, not really.

And either did Alex Karev. Both of them were great kissers and nice to look at but when it came down to it that's all they were at the end of the day.

She couldn't honestly expect Mark or Alex to commit to her. Because Mark was mark and liked to mess around and have fun. He didn't want a lifetime. Addison understood that and respected that which is why she couldn't be with him.

Alex was a child. He acted like a child on so many levels that it drove her insane. She wanted to have a child, not date one. Besides he was head over heels in love with Ava or was it Rebecca? Either way. He was in love with her and everyone could see that clearly. Addison was just a nice outlet for his emotions towards her.

She was done being an outlet.

So when she came her and met Pete she really hoped that he was the right guy for her. For a long time she avoided him after he stood her up completely that one night.

After awhile though he got under her skin. He broke through to her and for the past five months they had kind of been together. They were really more like friends with benefits more than anything. They went on a few dates and Pete was a nice enough person in his own way, but Addison couldn't trust him to only be with her.

When it came down to it he was just like Alex and Mark and she hated that. She wanted Pete to be different. More like someone else.

More like...

Derek?

No. Because Derek hurt her more than any of the rest of them.

Except before the hurt there was a lot of happiness and a lot of love. The kind that she kept searching for and for some reason couldn't find it anywhere except in the memories of the times when they were together. Planning a future and planning a family together.

Addison got in her car and didn't even notice the semi-familiar jeep in the driveway next door. Because she tried to ignore anyone that Sam had over at his house for Naomi's sake. That way if she asked Addison any questions she would gladly plead the fifth and not be lying.

It was a foul proof plan.

When she got to the office she was the only person there. She filled out some paperwork on the baby that Social Services was coming to pick up and tapped her pen on the desk looking at the sleeping baby next to her.

Her heart strings tug hard and she sighed smiling at it. She wanted a baby so badly it hurt.

When she looked up she could hear Sam coming down the hallway and a voice that she sworn was Derek's but knew that couldn't be right. That was insane. Why would Derek by at Oceanside?

But when she looked up her heart did this weird thing and she realized it was Derek.

He was laughing with Sam about something and must have noticed her staring at him because he looked right at her and smiled and did that weird wave thing he does sometimes. She nodded at him and smiled. Derek whispered something to Sam before walking down the hallway.

Sam opened the door of Addison's office and smiled uneasily.

"Hey Addison."

Addison raised an eyebrow. "Hello Sam. Can I ask you a question?"

Sam smiled. "Sure."

"Why the hell is Derek here?"

Sam smiled. "I was tired of seeing you so pathetic."

Addison frowned. "I am not! Pete and I are perfectly...functional."

Sam laughed. "Addison? I'm sick of getting house calls from you because he's an ass and stands you up still sometimes. Or because he forgets you want something more out of him than sex."

Addison looked at him. "So you're still not answering my question. Why exactly is Derek here?"

He smiled. "Because Addison. He's your friend despite all the weirdness right? And he needs a new job."

Addison was suddenly very interested. "Why?"

He frowned. "I should let you find out yourself but him and Meredith broke up."

Sam shook his head and stood up. "That's my cue to leave. He's in the kitchen. Go talk to him Addison. Find out for yourself. Don't completely shut him out okay? I offered him a job here."

"What? I thought we had to vote from now on."

Sam rolled his eyes. "We will. But I still offered it to him and he's going to be here for the week even if he doesn't take the job so please go talk to him. For me?"

Addison groaned. "Okay. I will."

He nodded and shut the doors behind him. Addison finished the paperwork and found Sam. "If I'm going to go have quality bonding time you get to watch the baby until Social Services comes."

Sam looked up at her and grinned. "Did you name this one?"

Addison shook her head.

He smiled. "Good girl."

Addison laughed and rolled her eyes walking towards the kitchen where Derek was pouring himself to a cup of coffee and he looked up at her "Do you want one?"

Addison smiled at him. "I'd love one, thanks."

He nodded and poured another handing it to her.

"Everyone else should get here so you'll get to meet them."

Derek smiled. "I met them yesterday. You and Pete were gone. It was near the end of the day. Sam just brought me in so I could meet everyone early."

Addison nodded. "What do you think?"

He smiled. "They're nice. It's a lot more quiet around here."

"What happened with you and Meredith?"

He laughed. "Sam really can't keep his mouth shut can he?"

Addison shook her head. "Not from anyway. So what happened?"

He raked his fingers through his hair. "She didn't love me Addison. I don't know how else to put it but like that. I thought she...I thought we could, I thought I would be able to break through to her but things just kept getting worse and it just...she just...didn't." He said looking away.

Addison felt her heart sink. As long as she had waited to hear that it still didn't make me feel any less bad for him.

"God. She really broke you, didn't she?"

Addison asked looking at him.

He looked up at her and cocked his head. "What?"

"One of the things I loved about you was the way your eyes were. Because they were always shining and alive and just happy. But now it's not the same. Not like it used to be. Meredith broke you."

He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it again. Derek knew that Addison was right. Meredith had changed his outlook on love and he had become less optimistic since then. He hated that.

"She might have."

Out of instinct Addison put her hand on his. "I'm sorry."

Derek grabbed Addison's.

"Addison. I'm sorry too."

Something about the way he said it made her realize how serious he was when he said it and Addison smiled genuinely at him. "You don't have to apologize. I forgave you awhile ago remember?"

He shrugged. "I know. It just seemed appropriate."

Lately Derek had started to understand what she must have been feeling when she came to Seattle and he pushed her away.

Addison laughed. "I should go. The morning meeting is going to be in a few minutes."

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"It's something we do here. Come on."

Halfway to the boardroom Derek smiled and Addison laughed looking at him.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. You just, I miss hearing your laugh is all."

Addison stopped and studied him.

"I missed you too, Derek."

He smiled. "I was hoping."

Addison smiled. "Just don't repeat it."

Derek laughed. "I'll try not to."


End file.
